Relationships....they suck.

Well... a couple of things have occured since my last post. If you havent caught on, myself and the guy I was carring on about split up. He had his eye on somebody he had history with, and I was caught up in a situation that potenchially made the relationship suffer. I'm to the point of trying to not let the gossip and compulsive memories and butterflys in my stomach bother me. I've cut him out completely. I've realized that what I wrong about him and our realtionship/friendship, and its better off for the both of us if I make myself scarce. I can handle that junk anymore. >_<

As for my ex before him, the one I was w/ for 5ish years...we're kind of...odd at the moment. We're friends. Thats it. I thought cutting him off as well would of helped me but in reality it made things worse. He's been my best friend for six years...it terrifies me to not have any conteact with him once so ever. Me and him have had our ups and downs..but when push comes to shove, if I want anybody in my life it would be him - regardless of if we make a good romantic couple or not. I tries to let him go and not keep him around anymore and function completely on my own. And it can be done...I did it. But...whenever I had a problem or wanted to just chill, I typically wanted to with him. I may not want to date him, but as a friend, hes my equal. I thought I had found an anazing alternative...but sadly I was mistaken.

On a completely and totally un-related note, the college process is going great, besides all the money - but thats to be expected. I just paid my $200 housing deposit w/ my graduation money...I think I died a little inside. lol. I'm hoping that college will help me escape my high schooler-ness and help me learn to be more indepedant of John [the 5 years ex]. Even though me and him have agreed to keep up with each other. He's going into the millitary soon as well. He's done all the testing and everything and he'll sign soon.

Other then that..not much more to rant about. : )

Accepted!!!

I got acceoted to AI!!!!

This is awesome. Im going to be in so much debt it crazy - but I got accepted!!! Im soooo excited. Only issue is getting over all the things Im about to leave behind. There are roughly about three people Im going to keep in touch with from the boro when I leave and thats about it. Everybody else will just be history. Kinda evil, but that just how it will end up, and i know it.

Graduation

wow...im graduating high school...this is creepy. Ever since I got the interview with AI I've been a victim of senioritis, but when I sit back and think on it - I'm finnally done with school. 13 years of my life have been spent on this stuff and Im finnally finnished...granted, theres college - but thats a whole new ball game. Part of me is glad that im done and part of me is terrified to go. I already know im gonna ball come senior walk time. It'll be hard. I'm leaving allot here at Apollo. This is the first school I have finnished all the way through. I usiually switch schools allot, but I stayed at Apollo all four years. Pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Ive been through allot, but this is just the begining. It's also the begining of me putting all these graduation invites together too...geeze their complicated. Why do they have to have so many little peices and parts to them? and whats the point of have two different envelopes - why cant you just be simple and have one...I dont understand fancy people...they confuse me. =[

Stoaked for Ohio

I have an interveiw/online colege tour with the Art Institute of Cincinnati Ohio today at 4:30. I couldnt be more stoked!!! I just pray that I get in...that would make my year. If I could get into this college - it would all be worth it. Yeah, journalism is still somthing i'm intrested in, but this would be ten times more awesome, and I would be so much more active in my job if i have somthing along these lines instead of a desk job in which i may otherwise end up with.

oh what i would GIVE to get this school....wooooowwwww.....

^_^

My First Memory...

I couldnt remember my first memory if I tried...Im thinking it would be of the Newburge apartment my mother and I lived in when I was about 2 or 3. I remeber my toy box, and my little bed in the living room and various other things I used to play with when we lived there. I also remember their being a coke machine at the bottom of our apartment building that we used to go to allot. That was like a trip for me. Im not so sure if thats my first memory, but that the earliest in my life I think I can remember.

Crappy Week

This week has epically sucked. One of these days I will learn to stay away from the oposet sex. Im not about to go on some high school rant about my crappy love life - but it seems like the thing that prominatly on my mind is him. But...I will move on.

On the bright side, Im passing all my classes now ^_^ I'm quite proud of me, if I do say so myself. And Im going to go hang out with some friends tonight, so...hopefully this weekend wont suck so much. ^_^

Looseing Things

I'm tierd of loosing things
stuff I tend to hold dear
people I love and want close
the people i tend to keep near

I want to move on past my failures.
To escape what I've come to belive.
I want to see past what I used to live for.
To see what I truley, really, need.

I dont want to hurt them in the process
To love the people I should
to be the person they saw in me
without dissapointing them more.

One day he'll see my weaknesses
He'll know what I truely think inside
My true self will be opened
And hopefully then he'll decide to be a part of my life.