Relationships....they suck.

Well... a couple of things have occured since my last post. If you havent caught on, myself and the guy I was carring on about split up. He had his eye on somebody he had history with, and I was caught up in a situation that potenchially made the relationship suffer. I'm to the point of trying to not let the gossip and compulsive memories and butterflys in my stomach bother me. I've cut him out completely. I've realized that what I wrong about him and our realtionship/friendship, and its better off for the both of us if I make myself scarce. I can handle that junk anymore. >_<

As for my ex before him, the one I was w/ for 5ish years...we're kind of...odd at the moment. We're friends. Thats it. I thought cutting him off as well would of helped me but in reality it made things worse. He's been my best friend for six years...it terrifies me to not have any conteact with him once so ever. Me and him have had our ups and downs..but when push comes to shove, if I want anybody in my life it would be him - regardless of if we make a good romantic couple or not. I tries to let him go and not keep him around anymore and function completely on my own. And it can be done...I did it. But...whenever I had a problem or wanted to just chill, I typically wanted to with him. I may not want to date him, but as a friend, hes my equal. I thought I had found an anazing alternative...but sadly I was mistaken.

On a completely and totally un-related note, the college process is going great, besides all the money - but thats to be expected. I just paid my $200 housing deposit w/ my graduation money...I think I died a little inside. lol. I'm hoping that college will help me escape my high schooler-ness and help me learn to be more indepedant of John [the 5 years ex]. Even though me and him have agreed to keep up with each other. He's going into the millitary soon as well. He's done all the testing and everything and he'll sign soon.

Other then that..not much more to rant about. : )