Relationships....they suck.

Well... a couple of things have occured since my last post. If you havent caught on, myself and the guy I was carring on about split up. He had his eye on somebody he had history with, and I was caught up in a situation that potenchially made the relationship suffer. I'm to the point of trying to not let the gossip and compulsive memories and butterflys in my stomach bother me. I've cut him out completely. I've realized that what I wrong about him and our realtionship/friendship, and its better off for the both of us if I make myself scarce. I can handle that junk anymore. >_<

As for my ex before him, the one I was w/ for 5ish years...we're kind of...odd at the moment. We're friends. Thats it. I thought cutting him off as well would of helped me but in reality it made things worse. He's been my best friend for six years...it terrifies me to not have any conteact with him once so ever. Me and him have had our ups and downs..but when push comes to shove, if I want anybody in my life it would be him - regardless of if we make a good romantic couple or not. I tries to let him go and not keep him around anymore and function completely on my own. And it can be done...I did it. But...whenever I had a problem or wanted to just chill, I typically wanted to with him. I may not want to date him, but as a friend, hes my equal. I thought I had found an anazing alternative...but sadly I was mistaken.

On a completely and totally un-related note, the college process is going great, besides all the money - but thats to be expected. I just paid my $200 housing deposit w/ my graduation money...I think I died a little inside. lol. I'm hoping that college will help me escape my high schooler-ness and help me learn to be more indepedant of John [the 5 years ex]. Even though me and him have agreed to keep up with each other. He's going into the millitary soon as well. He's done all the testing and everything and he'll sign soon.

Other then that..not much more to rant about. : )

Accepted!!!

I got acceoted to AI!!!!

This is awesome. Im going to be in so much debt it crazy - but I got accepted!!! Im soooo excited. Only issue is getting over all the things Im about to leave behind. There are roughly about three people Im going to keep in touch with from the boro when I leave and thats about it. Everybody else will just be history. Kinda evil, but that just how it will end up, and i know it.

Graduation

wow...im graduating high school...this is creepy. Ever since I got the interview with AI I've been a victim of senioritis, but when I sit back and think on it - I'm finnally done with school. 13 years of my life have been spent on this stuff and Im finnally finnished...granted, theres college - but thats a whole new ball game. Part of me is glad that im done and part of me is terrified to go. I already know im gonna ball come senior walk time. It'll be hard. I'm leaving allot here at Apollo. This is the first school I have finnished all the way through. I usiually switch schools allot, but I stayed at Apollo all four years. Pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Ive been through allot, but this is just the begining. It's also the begining of me putting all these graduation invites together too...geeze their complicated. Why do they have to have so many little peices and parts to them? and whats the point of have two different envelopes - why cant you just be simple and have one...I dont understand fancy people...they confuse me. =[

Stoaked for Ohio

I have an interveiw/online colege tour with the Art Institute of Cincinnati Ohio today at 4:30. I couldnt be more stoked!!! I just pray that I get in...that would make my year. If I could get into this college - it would all be worth it. Yeah, journalism is still somthing i'm intrested in, but this would be ten times more awesome, and I would be so much more active in my job if i have somthing along these lines instead of a desk job in which i may otherwise end up with.

oh what i would GIVE to get this school....wooooowwwww.....

^_^

My First Memory...

I couldnt remember my first memory if I tried...Im thinking it would be of the Newburge apartment my mother and I lived in when I was about 2 or 3. I remeber my toy box, and my little bed in the living room and various other things I used to play with when we lived there. I also remember their being a coke machine at the bottom of our apartment building that we used to go to allot. That was like a trip for me. Im not so sure if thats my first memory, but that the earliest in my life I think I can remember.

Crappy Week

This week has epically sucked. One of these days I will learn to stay away from the oposet sex. Im not about to go on some high school rant about my crappy love life - but it seems like the thing that prominatly on my mind is him. But...I will move on.

On the bright side, Im passing all my classes now ^_^ I'm quite proud of me, if I do say so myself. And Im going to go hang out with some friends tonight, so...hopefully this weekend wont suck so much. ^_^

Looseing Things

I'm tierd of loosing things
stuff I tend to hold dear
people I love and want close
the people i tend to keep near

I want to move on past my failures.
To escape what I've come to belive.
I want to see past what I used to live for.
To see what I truley, really, need.

I dont want to hurt them in the process
To love the people I should
to be the person they saw in me
without dissapointing them more.

One day he'll see my weaknesses
He'll know what I truely think inside
My true self will be opened
And hopefully then he'll decide to be a part of my life.

High School is the pits....

I finnally find somebody who is absolutley AMAZING...and he moves 3 hours away.
I fall for this guy do hard that I let all my close friends know...and information get s out and now people are starting drama about me.
I let him inside my closed little bubble that I never let anyone into...and he blows my problems off...

I just love it how I finnally find something I really like and want to keep close - and everything around me does its best to ruin the whole thing.UGH...I dano what to do...this sucks. High School drama is wretched. Even the people you would never even think about saying bad things about you - does just that. This is getting ugly.

New Man...Kind of?

Sooo...I have been with the same person for five years. We began dating when I was in the 8th grade and we have been off and on ever since then...up untill a week ago. We had yet another hard breakup and for the first time I feel kind of...free. I'm barely 19 years old [turns 19 in July] and I feel as though I have been married for 10 years. The commitment levels were straining and the protectiveness was a downer as well. In the end...we just ended up not being a very healthy couple.

But here it is, a week later, and a guy I have liked from afar tells me that he liked me too. It's so refreshing. Hes such a sweetheart...We're not dating, due to the fact that we dont get the chance to talk much so we dont know each other well enough to really concider each other boyfriend/girlfriend - but that doesnt matter to me. It's just so nice to know that there are still nice guys out there that are worth my time. He just makes me so ridiculusly happy its painful. We set up a date for Friday and I havent been able to eat since. Im so nervous...but that good kind of nervous...if that makes any sence.

This is really exciting. ^_^ I just hate it that it took me all 4 years of high school to finnally relax. > _ <

Sign of the Times

My news tidbit today comes from the desk of the current major of New York - Mayor Bloomberg, who according to New York Times is "quietly ending" his funds towards a neighborhood charitable program. "His decision, which is not yet public, has set off alarm in the city’s arts and social services worlds, which depend heavily on his largesse and are grappling with deep budget cuts and a brutal fund-raising climate." Claims NYT's Michael Barbaro. "Mr. Bloomberg never demanded that Carnegie provide him with a detailed report on how the money was spent. He would simply send a single check for tens of millions of dollars every December."

This is just one thing that is showing the signs of the times & economic crisis. Clearly Bloomberg is a good man and was at one time capable of taking care of his area of jurisdiction, but there is no telling who will fall next. Funds are already falling in schools. Hopefully our country will prosper regardless.

Japanese Economy and YOU

"This apartment is in the Hiroo neighborhood in the Shibuya ward of Tokyo. Last renovated in April 2008, it has 82.8 square meters (about 890 square feet), with new hardwood floors and wallpaper, and a new kitchen and bath. The windows face southeast, allowing for sunlight all day. The tree-lined views from the master bedroom and living room are of Shoun-ji Temple, a Zen Buddhist center. The apartment is one of 11 units in a five-story 1978 building." According to the New York Times - Great Homes and Destinations.

In Tokyo, this is your typical apartment price. Japans economy has been suffering for years, and real estate buyers have become increasingly scarces due to this fact. Renting has become the norm, and keeps your everyday Japanese citizen up on these risky economic times.

“The Tokyo real estate market has declined since the Lehman shock by 20 to 40 percent,” claims Zoe Ward, an agent in the sales division of Housing Japan, the firm listing the property described above. “However, we think it has hit the bottom.”

Why does all of this matter? Why wouldn’t it matter? Japan is a great and beautiful country and many job opportunities are there for Americans who are interested in overseas work. But if your dream job were to present itself and you are expected to move your family to Japan - given the current American economy how will you ever be able to afford a nice home? You'd most likely to get stuck with less then your moneys worth, or being put into the renting circuit. The economy's of those overseas DO matter to Americans, its just getting Americans to notice.

Alice in Wonderland

I'm going to go see it tonight! I'm so ridiculusly excited. Not only am I a Johnny Depp fan but Tim Burton is a directing genious. Im soooooo excited. It looks really good. But I really like how its not just another remake; it's a continuation of the story, making it jump out to me even more. It does look kindof dark, but hey - it Tim Burton for christ sake. I have a feeling this movie is going to blow all others out of the water, it just looks so awesome. :D I'll make sure to write about how it went. ^_^

Senior Year Failure

I;m becoming a statistic. The one thing I told myself at the begining of the year that would never become. Im currently failing government and english. If I dont pass these classes I wont walk the line, and I love it that it doesnt hit me till now that what im doing to myself is ridiculus and almost a form a suicide. Im so stuck in the world of working comstently and worrying about everybody elses problems that im once again not paying enough attenchion to my own. Ive fallen into this pattern time and time again and its murdering any chance I have of getting into a decent college. It does make me feel better that I know I can pass, and Im working to get that done...but I cant feed people any more excuses. Im on the chopping block...and it BOMBS...I just PRAY that I can get what I need to do done in time to still survive the statistics...

Fashion Statments

This may come off as sort of self centerd... because it kindof is...hehehe. When I hear fashion statement I think of myself. I always have had this way, ever since middle school, to have the most pop-ish outfits ever. Last year if was my hair. I would make the most awesome hair bows and clips and dress my hair up majorly. This year, its been tutu skirts. My absolute favorite of my skirts is my black lace skirt with the lace ribbions on it. I wear it the most out of the three tutu skirts i own. Once again...sort of self centerd, but...it was the first thing that came to my mind.

Same-Sex Marriage Legalized in Washington

Today is a big day for gay rights advocates. For years, LGBT's [Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, & Transgendered] have been fighting for the right to be married, or even gain the right to civil union. Only a couple states currently have laws set in stone that allow gays to be married, but to have Washington - the capital of the United States - to allow them to marry may possibly set an example for other states. This occurrence would be a miracle by most standards, but regardless, its a happy day for LGBT's.

Why would this matter? Gay rights have been a huge thing in America for years, to have the capital state of our country to vote that it's constitutional is gigantic. President Obama has been saying for a long time that be DOES believe in civil unions between LGBTS, but for the people to agree with him really shows the acceptance of the American people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it is going to cause a religious uproar but one of these days, America will realize that separation of church and state is the real deal. You cannot judge a couple based on biblical beliefs if the government is supposedly following this set law. This is just one of the ways America, to outsiders, may seem a bit corrupt.

Newspaper....again

Im not about to go gossiping about anybody on Challenger staff, nore am I about to complain about what all has been happening behind the scenes - but - I would like to vent a little bit, if you dont mind.

The Challenger, our school newspaper, is comprised of students on both ends of the writing circut. The ones who love journalism and writing, and the ones who took the class in search for easy credit. I belive all classes have these sterotypes within them. But its sad when you dont even have enough people in your class you even keep the paper running. We failed to publish a Febuary issue last month due to the fact that 70% of our staff procrastinate to the core. thats crazy. I would love to say we prevailed regardless of those people who refuse to hold their weight, but sadly I cant say that. This comming March issue better be top notch...and I;m starting to think it will be, for the most part the procrastinators have been widdled out fo the picture, and the paper will survive...but I just hope that next year things get better for the senior staff...or else this may be the last year for a sucessfull Apollo newspaper.

Innocence

One of my absolute favorite movies is Finding Neverland, it alone demostates my own personal urgde to find my innocence on earth. It shows how life can have its ups and downs, but there’s really no point in living if you don’t take the time to have fun. Sometimes even I like to go to Neverland. No, I’m not mental, I’m serious. I like to just sit down someplace quiet, and just imagine what I could be doing. Or, simply think of a place that nobody else can get to, and dwell on the lovely thoughts that captivate it in my mind. A place where there is no drama, no pain, nor any kind of sad or depressing thought. It’s a place I love to venture to in books and movies, but nothing beats my own imagination. If only more people in my generation had an imagination. Teens now a days are starting to date, having sex, and even getting pregnant at the fair age 12 or 13. To me that is absolutely INSANE. Yes, many kids are subject to peer pressure starting in late elementary school, but jeeze! Your suposed to complaining about how little Billy took your textbook in class - not about how annoying it is that with your newfound pregnant belly you cant fit in the standard desk at you school! Now, I don’t know about you, but maybe…just maybe there is something wrong with this picture. Kids now a days want to grow up. They don’t want to dwell on little petty things like reading or taking a long walk down the ocean front just to hear the waves roar. Granted, I’m not your typical eighteen year old, but, heh – I have my moments where I would rather be partying then doing something more innocent...but i just think it would be nice if my generation wasnt the one the adults worry about, but the one that they could be proud of. Makes you kind of fear for the future...

Glam Pop

Glam Pop - this is the new music movement that is slowly getting more and more popular - and im IN LOVE with it. In reality, Glam pop really isnt new. It originated in the 80's with Madona & Micheal Jackson music videos. Now a days, we have artists like Lady Gaga & Adam Lambert. Song's and Video's are very ornate and abstracted. It's very art-sy and VERY up my alley. I love music that has meaning and you have to really listen to the lyric's as to just a random chorus of words that were clearly just thrown together. This kind of music makes me feel better about myself and how I am artistically. It shows me that I'm not the only "out there" avante gaurde artist my age, and that I have artists I can look up to who are close to my own style.

School Newpaper

Sometimes its kind of frustrating to think about all of the things you put so much effort into, and nobody ever takes the chance to pay any remote attention to them. I'm the editor of the challenger clubs page, and I'm reminded on an almost daily basis on how my page is never payed attention to. How they didn't understand why I took my job as an editor so seriously. It take it seriously due to the fact that I love everything clubs oriented. I love that family-esc feeling you get from participating in a school function. For some people, that's all they have ever had when it comes to a family setting. I write for those people, and for the sake of informing others, and getting the info out there. Many clubs never get any recognition for anything that they accomplish in their meetings and activities - I try to do my part in making sure they have something to stick in their scrapbooks one day, as I know the feeling of being able to see my name in print - I would like to give other the chance to feel that as well, and share it with others. Maybe one day the newspaper will be appreciated as much as ENL or the Blue House Players are. When that day comes, I'll be very proud to say I was a part of that.

Advocating for things Unknown

January is the year for the second annual national drag history month. Drag, more commonly known as "Drag Queens",if you dont already know, are men who are female illusionists. I'm a huuuuge fan of drag, but this artistic style of preformance art is critized allot by more popular media. Hence why this "history month" in my opinion was an awesome idea.

I have always had this quality of advocating things that lotts of people find either clishe or taboo. So far, I havent had any questions about my "Drag History Month" buttons on my bag, but I feel its coming. But, thats the whole purpose...soo...its all worth it. The same thing happend on the "day of silence" for gay rights last year. I love it how people know about what we're doing...then want to critisize it by asking dumb questions to get you to talk. Sometimes I wish people would just understand that there will always be things out there they wont like - and they just need to live with it.

And its not just gay rights associated things, it could be anything. You could be protesting for the rights of your fellow students and could be made fun of by it - by the people you are tyring to help. It's kind of frustrating. But....never the less, I'll keep advocating, and maybe one day we will be heard by those who refuse to listen. I never said they had to agree - but they could at least hear us out. I do for them.